The Benefit (and Challenge) of Being with other Gifted Teens and Crafting Gracious Space

Early in the year, Sandi Wollum, our head of school, introduced teachers to the idea of Gracious Space. One element of Gracious Space is called "learn in public." The work the middle schoolers do at Seabury requires learning in public and, therefore, attending to how to effectively, mindfully, and kindly interact with each other and themselves. Gracious Space provides a framework, and while we have not taught that term explicitly to the students, we have been integrating some of the ideas from Gracious Space into much of the work we do.

Patricia Hughes, from Trillium Leadership Consulting, defines "learn in public" as "judging less, listening more, and being willing to change your mind. It means letting go of being right and opening up to possibility. . .Our judgments and assumptions about others lock them (and us) into a rigid box. Acting on rigid images of others ensures that we will get the results we expect because we haven’t created openings for a different outcome. Gracious Space creates the space to engage in deep listening — with a commitment to learning — with the diverse group we have gathered. Learning in public requires humility, a willingness to explore assumptions and to express — in a respectful way — our own thoughts and feelings that others need to hear in order to understand and learn from us."

One of the most consistently valuable attributes of schools for students who are gifted and talented is that gifted children are able to have age group peers with whom they can share passions, advanced language skills, and creativity. Our students do not have to code switch nearly as much as they might if they attended other schools. This helps them be more gracious throughout their day.

A second truly valuable attribute of schools for students who are gifted and talented is that students are gifted in different ways. Some students excel in all academic fields, but struggle with gross motor skills. Some students excel in geometry, but struggle with algebra. Some students can creatively imagine entire worlds and craft exceptional stories, but also struggle to put exactly the right words on the page. There are also those whose emotional and social development fits their age while their ideas and thought processes are years ahead. The struggle is good: it teaches students how to learn and the value of effort. It also provides students the opportunity to learn from one another and test out code switching in a safe space.

For example, Seabury's middle schoolers are working on independent writing projects. Many of them have chosen to use peer revision as a part of their writing process. In those peer interactions about their writing, students are provided with a space to learn how to engage with each other respectfully and thoughtfully regardless of each student's ability level. Through peer conferences about their writing or through written feedback, the writer has the chance to improve stories, poems, essays, etc., and the student giving the feedback learns to think about how to effectively frame information in a kind way.

Each of our students is experiencing asynchronous development in themselves, but also in each other, which is where the truly valuable part comes in. They have to learn to be mindful of each other and to interact with a little grace in order to come together as a community. That learning helps the students be better code switchers and better citizens when they leave Seabury. They will have to spend a significant amount of time interacting with people who are different from them, and those interactions will all benefit from a little grace.

Every day at Seabury, I see moments of extreme consideration and kindness where sensitive and thoughtful students (even when others may not perceive them as such) go out of their way to help one another because they are paying attention to each other's situations. In those moments, they approach each other with mindfulness, aware of who they are and what the other student needs.

Throughout the year, through social emotional learning lessons, through advisory, and through observations and feedback on their general interactions, we have tried to teach the middle school students lessons based on the idea of gracious space. We ask them to view situations from the other's perspective, to reconsider language choices, to be aware of their physical presence in a space, to consider the repercussions or benefits of their choices--with words and actions. 

It is through that mindfulness that the students are able to work with one another and challenge each other to excel. It is through mindfulness that our students will be able to excel in the world outside of Seabury.